Unemployment

About a month ago I lost my job.
Here are all the events leading up to it.

The first time Chris saw Steve after Steve and I had sex was on that Friday night. Steve and I, both being without a vehicle, were bumming rides here and there to get to hang out. I was hiding the fact that I liked him way more than I should as much as I could, but it was getting tough.

Chris gave me a ride to Steve's that night, where Steve hopped in the cramped truck bed with us and we went to the Standard office so I could pick up cameras to use to shoot my friend's wedding the next day. Sarah and Chad's wedding. I was so excited, but confused as to what would happen. I had to work Saturday at 7am until around 2pm. I didn't want to go. I didn't know how I was going to get to the wedding, so I wanted to have that time to talk around and see who I could ride with. The wedding was an hour away, and my not being there would have been a disaster. I was a mess, worried about what I was going to do.

Steve and I walked to the office later in the evening, bored and wondering what to do. Miranda called me to say they wanted to have some people over to hang out. We agreed to go.

On the walk back to the apartment, we must have either bought some whiskey or just had some, cause we ended up drinking later. But on the walk back, I lost it, got really upset and quiet. I don't remember why, and that's part of the problem I'm sure. I sat on his couch and breathed and tried to calm down before we left to walk to her place.

"I can tell I'm not going to have fun. I can just tell. And I'm going to be pissed and want to leave but... I don't know."

It was something like that.

I've already established, I think, that at the time Steve liked Miranda and not me. Steve pretty much always likes everyone but me.

At Miranda's things weren't terribly exciting. Jack the Dog jumped up on my and scratched my chest. Steve and I got drunk. I argued with Miranda about whether vampires prey on sluts or virgins. She thought virgins - I said sluts were easier to get close to and were less likely to be missed. That's the kind of fun arguing banter we always have.

When we left I remember that I found a note I had left myself on my cell phone that said "You are no longer allowed to touch Steve."

I think I just wanted to be back to normal.

That night we hung out for awhile on his couch before he finally went to lie down in his bed. He was really wasted and I followed him in there and talked to him. It took every ounce of energy I had to not try anything. Actually I was just too scared.

I decided to not go into work the next day. I didn't think one time would do much damage. I decided to tell my boss that I had had a nervous breakdown, cause it was sortof true. I turned my cell off so that when she called I wouldn't feel bad about not going in. My intention really was to sleep through the whole day of work. I think I got to 12pm.

Around that time Steve & I were both up and had started to watch a movie. Chris called me to see if I needed a ride. I wanted to keep hanging out with Steve, but I did need the ride so I took it. Somehow Chris agreed to let me borrow his truck for the day and so then I had a ride to the wedding.

I didn't call the bakery that I worked at that day. Monday was a holiday (Memorial Day) and we were closed. I didn't call Tuesday either. My next day to work was Wednesday. 10:00 am. I called when I woke up at 8am.

"Supreme Bakery, this is Lynda."
"Hey it's Anne."
Pause. "Oh, Anne. You didn't come in on Saturday, what happened?"
"Oh it's a long story. I mean, I have a reason. It's just hard to talk about."
"Ok." She didn't sound convinced.
"I was just calling to say that I will be in today, and that I'm sorry I didn't call sooner."
"Oh, well we've hired someone else. I'm sorry."
"Oh."
"Yeah, when you didn't show up on Saturday I assumed you were just like everyone else and that you were quitting."
"Ok, I understand."

I know I said some more stuff and at some point I started crying but the conversation was still really short. I punched the wall in the shower. I was pissed at myself.

And the funny thing is another girl, who is a single mom, started no-showing and coming in hours and hours late about 2 weeks before this happened, and they kept her on for a week and half of no-showing. And I do it once and they can me. What's the difference? I'm not a single mom.

That pisses me off more than anything.